Mental Health is Part of Crohn’s Disease

Trigger warning: mild discussion of mental illness and medical trauma

There’s a part of me that’s just temped to post a bunch of links that demonstrate the link between Crohn’s/Colitis/UC and depression and anxiety. But that’s not why I write this blog, right? I do this because it’s my way of both talking about what I go through in a relatable and open fashion, and getting the burden of whatever’s going on off my chest and out of my guts. Because the last thing I need is to be keepin’ that shit inside!

Things have been extremely challenging for me lately. It’s funny how unresolved medical trauma and having one’s life completely turned upside down and reduced to almost a hermit’s life will affect you! Those challenges have effects:

• crying multiple times a day, either triggered by extremely normal things or no reason at all
• feelings of deep sadness and doom
• hopelessness
• easy to frustration and anger [these are not like me, I’m generally calm]
• even less motivation than normal, and an inability to focus

I’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety. I worked really hard to get a good grasp on it and come up with my own coping mechanisms. It took years and years as I worked through a lot of issues that life had saddled me with, and I did a pretty good job of pulling myself back from vaguely suicidal and to a place where I felt stable. Having my health come crashing down on me undid some of that and added a lot of other problems.

I’ve been trying to puzzle through these challenges on my own, but lately it became clear that I need professional help with it. Let me state this for the record, just in case you’re feeling dismissive or unsure: IT IS PERFECTLY OKAY TO TALK TO A COUNSELOR OR THERAPIST ABOUT MEDICAL TRAUMA AND DEPRESSION.

Seriously. It’s important to address these things, because trauma is a killer all on its own. From the Emotion Matters website:

“As well as a sense of fear and anxiety, you may be feeling grief as a result of your change in life circumstances post-medical event. Others have reported feeling a loss of self and independence, a difficulty in coming to terms with their new role in the family or a decrease in mental and physical functioning.”

https://emotionmatters.co.uk/medical-trauma

So we’ve established that I feel strongly about the need for therapy when it comes to dealing with IBD [and any other autoimmune or other life-changing disease]. I’ve mentioned before that I am very poor, thanks to my inability to work. I’ve looked for potential therapists without success. A friend suggested Pro Bono Counseling, which is a program offered in Maryland that helps connect people in need with mental help care.

I’m waiting to see how this shakes out for me. I was supposed to have an intake call today but there was a need to reschedule and now I’m waiting until the first week of December. It’s not great, because I’ve been hanging on for so long, but I’m grateful and I can dig my fingers in and hang on some more.

Don’t be me, okay? If you think “maybe I need to talk to someone” then DO IT NOW. Don’t wait. Because there’s already a waiting period built into the process by necessity, and that’s even longer that you’ve gotta plod through your days carrying all this mental pain.

Before I go, if you’re reading this and you or someone you know needs help NOW, you can call or text 9-8-8 or live chat at https://988lifeline.org/ – the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. You can also contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. All their info and more is at https://nami.org/help.